Freedom

I've recently read Like Colour to the Blind by Donna Williams. It is an amazing insight into the world of two autistic people who find each other and together explore relationship, connection and love. Their courage and determination to push through compulsions, obsessions, automatic responses and perceptual distortions is inspiring.

I was struck by the fact that one of the things Donna had to learn was how to know what she, herself, truly liked and wanted as opposed to the "stored responses" of what others seemed to like so "that must be the best choice". Her life operated to a large extent on "stored responses" rather than truly free personal choice. In a much more mild and manageable way I recognize that I sometimes choose on the basis of "stored responses" or automatic pilot. For example I often look at my watch to decide if it is time to eat! I'm discovering that if I listen to whether I am actually hungry I eat at slightly different times. I often eat whatever is easily available in the fridge or cupboard rather then stopping to think what my body most wants. … I'm sure there are other examples too. I'm on the watch for them now!

Then this morning thanks to the Prodigal Kiwi Blog was this quote about freedom from a spiritual perspective:
Dr. Thomas A. Bausch & Dr. James J. Spillane, S.J: “…People who are spiritually free are tantalizingly alive. They take bold initiatives, do interesting things, have a taste for adventure, are not threatened by other strong personalities and can hold fast to their convictions even in the face of criticism and disapproval… They know who they are and what they want to do, and are fully engaged in living it. Such persons are interiorly free…” They have, they note, “the ability to think and act without external or internal compulsions”.
...
Finally they highlight that “the spiritual life leads to freedom. The important question is not "Am I happy?" but "Am I free?” Free to choose what I most deeply want to do. If I am really free to choose, I will do the things God wants me to do. Freedom is both from and for. Freedom from the net of many strings and expectations that the false self has created. Freedom from the fear that if I step out of a particular role, I will disappoint someone. Freedom from the fear that if I do not espouse a certain position [or act in a particular way] I will not be accepted. Freedom for relates to positive and collaborative action in working with God to concretize His dream for the world and its inhabitants. Love of God that does not show itself in service to humankind is a snare and a delusion…”

So fascinating when the same theme pops up in totally un-related sources! I am taking note!

 

Hidden Treasures

I'm in the process of a big "de-cluttering". I'm having great fun throwing out mountains of old files from my filing cabinet. Good stuff a lot of it - but long forgotten and hardly ever referred to. But in my cursory glancing at things I have carefully filed I came across one thin folder of pages written by former students - not assignments - more like personal notes to me. Some triggered lovely memories, others I couldn't quite place. But this one stood out as worthy of publishing. I remember this student well and followed her progress for several years after she left BCNZ (Bible College of NZ) where I was one of her lecturers. If I knew where she was now I would love her to know her words and truth are still valued. I won't name her but here's what she wanted to tell me in 1987:

Mid-term Exams '87

Exams
make me feel
small and ashamed
shallow and dumb
I want you to know I'm not slow,
that I love my classes
I do learn and soak up so much of what you teach
In my mind and heart - deep inside … many secrets unfold -
it's neat
the discoveries I make…
I love learning.
If I could let you take a peek inside of me, just see and understand that within I hold lots of interesting precious things…
But…
My vocabulary is so small that it hasn't a chance of covering everything I "feel",
and I don't know how to use our English language to express
everything I've learned, to write out what I've come up with
so
I sit here in this exam after working so hard to learn
feeling small and ashamed
you will read my paper and think I'm shallow…
and the spelling! … she must be slow… and look at the way the 
ideas and thoughts are so disjointed…
you will think that I haven't grasped all the wonderful truths in the lessons 
you've been teaching.
Please
don't treat me like I'm slow
don't talk to me as if I can't reach your level
you'd be surprised
I'm not slow… well not in the sense of intellectually slow
don't judge me by what I put on paper in exams
Exams are good I know,
they help to crystalize all your many thoughts and new discoveries
they help you get your mind sorting through and registering
all the many things you've been storing away
they are good
I'm glad we have to sit down and study really hard
I just don't want to be misjudged as a person
by how well
I can write out my thoughts and what I've been learning
on a piece of paper.

I wrestle with words and sentences to fit my ideas.
Sometimes my head seems to buzz with the weight of too many
problems that seem to have no solution.
I read once that the older one grew, the more complicated and
involved one's feelings became, and sometimes they were quite 
opposed to one another.

So dear R.G. I remember you with warmth and respect. I never thought of you as dumb or slow and I'm sure you would be surprised to know that something you wrote 27 years ago counts as a treasure. What's more I think you have expressed something many others would identify with - and expressed it beautifully.

Greatest enemy…?

I was struck by one sentence in an article on leadership I was reading this morning (thanks to Prodigal Kiwi Blog):


"When Nelson Mandela was liberated after 25 years of imprisonment by apartheid regimes, he made this confession: “My greatest enemy was not those who put or kept me in prison. It was myself. I was afraid to be who I am.”"

"I was afraid to be who I am" is the phrase that is ringing in my ears… and when that happens (i.e. a phrase really strikes me) it is time for some reflection in the time honored  Lectio Divina style of asking: Why did that phrase strike me? How does it relate to my life and growth? What might God be asking/inviting me into? Lectio Divina is certainly not a process limited to reading the Bible.

Alphabet for World Peace

I've mentioned the Charter for Compassion before in this Blog. This poster was featured in the newsletter I received today.

"As a mixed-media artist, Debi Strong has created works with the intention of encouraging kindness, connection, compassion, and peace for our world. Most of her art includes a significant percentage of recycled materials in the form of magazine papers, re-purposed fibers, and found objects."

Click here to see other great examples of Compassion around the world - including a NZ example!

Science and religion

If this topic interests you and you have 18 minutes to spare watch this YouTube of a TEDx talk by Michael Dowd. It is entitled Reality Reconciles Science and Religion. I have heard talks by Michael Dowd and his wife previously and appreciated their perspectives and the intelligent way they present them. The Wikipedia article on Dowd gives very interesting background to who he is and the journey he has travelled to his current enthusiasm. One of his best known books is Thank God for Evolution which has received acclaim from several  Nobel Laureates.

Samoa holiday

We decided to visit one of our Pacific neighbours for a week's holiday recently. Samoa was a place we had never been to so off we went. We had a wonderful week relaxing at Le Vasa resort (as you will see from photos below!) It was fairly remote from Apia and we didn't have a car so were limited to one half day tour with a driver from the resort. Obviously we didn't do any kind of justice to the whole of Samoa or even the island of Upolu but the local area outside the resort and a trip to the small island of Manono in a local boat gave a taste of village life in Samoa. Of course village life and "resort life" are like two different worlds. However, the resorts and other tourist attractions give much needed work to local people. Our boat driver said that only one family in five in Samoa has someone with a "proper job". That's a very sad statistic if he has his facts right. So - a few photos (of the hundred I took!)

View from our Fale on first morning. (We arrived in the dark the night before.)

Our Fale is the first one on the right.

The open air restaurant

One way to relax!

We spent a lot time in, or by, the pool!

The grounds in the resort

Drinks on the verandah of our Fale

Samoan Pak ' Save!! 

Local shop

Fiction or fact?

Yesterday I posted about Dave Eggers novel The Circle. Today in reading the Spirituality and Practice newsletter I see that it features a report on what experts are predicting regarding the rise of technology. The two part Blog summarizes the report and then comments on the spiritual implications.
Well worth reading - especially in conjunction with the novel!

Uncannily on target book...

I've just finished reading an amazing (and somewhat scary) novel by Dave Eggers called The Circle. It is about what can happen when technology and social media become a 21st century "Big Brother" (as in George Orwell's 1984). Eggers always chooses a real issue of depth and his novels and non-fiction are definitely  worth reading. 

Watching the news last night, just after finishing reading this book, was uncanny! So many of the featured stories had something to do with internet scams, privacy breaches, social media issues, politicians sending inappropriate Tweets… 
Eggers is one small step ahead of where we are now with some salutary warnings. (And it's a page turning good read as well!)

White Water Rafting

As I said in my last post I'm doing a bit of a "retrospective" look though past journals and poetry.
This is a poem I wrote in 1995 - but I still like it and identify with it!
As I think about the date I wrote this, I realize that it was just six months before my brain aneurysm so the "next challenge" was bigger than I anticipated when I wrote!

WHITE WATER RAFTING

White water rafting in the caverns of my soul

terrifying, exhilarating -

this is no time to analyse

just hang on and go with it.

Hold the sides of the boat and lean into the curves.

No jumping out or going back now

No use trying to grab the solid looking rocks

that flash by - to hold onto them would mean

being wrenched out of the boat and left behind.

It's dark in these underground caves and

no way of knowing what is around the next bend.

Shooting the rapids one minute

Gliding calmly the next - the trick is

to be alert and fully aware of each moment.

All one's energy is focussed on just that -

Being alert for what each moment requires:

Holding on in the rough patches,

Relaxing and drawing breath when possible,

Ready then for the next challenge.

The river determines the route and the destination

This is no highway with multi choice exits.

The Guide gives instructions:

"Hold on, lean right, let go, bail..."

And I? I am committed to the river and the guide.

Trusting them, I will emerge into the light,

And in retrospect would not have missed the journey!

Sheila Pritchard

13 December 1995

Then and now...

For a variety of reasons I've been looking back recently at earlier stages of my life. Maybe one day I'll write a memoir…? But for starters here are a couple of photos taken 40 years apart.

Left to right: Marie, Sheila, Bev. We all served as missionaries 

with SIM in West Africa.

This is taken in Nigeria at the SIM guest house in Miango where we came for conferences and holiday. Bev worked in Niger, Marie and I in different parts of Nigeria. Photo probably about 1974.

This one was taken this year (2014) as we celebrated a significant birthday for one of us! The waitress couldn't quite match the earlier photo to who was who now, so in case you are also wondering: 

(l to r) Bev, Marie, Sheila