Caravan of Selves 7: Oasis 1988 (43)

Sometimes a caravan stops at an Oasis. For me 1988 was an Oasis so I feel it deserves a whole Post - not just a brief mention in the next group of seven! Although I'm calling it an Oasis it wasn't all calm, peaceful and restorative! In fact two of the three major Sabbatical sections were anything but, as you will see!

The first leg of the journey was to Melbourne to visit The Community of the Transfiguration. This is a Baptist Monastic community in Geelong. (I came back to this community later in the year - which I had not planned.) On my first visit of several weeks I was impressed by this "modern day" monastic community of about 20 people - married and single who lived together in a variety of dwellings. A beautiful brick chapel had been built by hand from an unused Church which they had personally dismantled.

Outside the Chapel in the garden

Sunday services were held in this part of the Chapel. Note the open Baptistry.

The hours of prayer were celebrated in the Oratory with beautiful sung liturgy. Everyone in the community welcomed me warmly and I joined in the physical work in the main house and in the garden. One or two of the community went out to work to earn money for running the property.
Most of the community were single but there was one married couple and their school age daughter. Friends came to Sunday services and often joined us on picnics and other events.

It was a big garden!

L-R Cheryl, Doug, Neil, Heather (in white blouse), Oz, Steve, Glenys,
central front: Betty, Marg and Di behind her, Graeme (Prior) and Terry behind them.

Picnic with friends

That's me riding pillion behind Neil with Steve on the other bike.
Leaving for a wonderful, bracing ride along the Great Ocean Road!

So while there was a lot that was very good about my experience in the community, some quite deep problems became evident especially on my return there later in the year. More about that below!

The next stop - England and Wales.
When I was in Nigeria I became good friends with Maureen Stringer as we both taught at Hillcrest School and lived in the same apartment building. Maureen lives in England and she was a wonderful friend to me when I got there. I stayed with her and she took me to many of the places I needed or wanted to go. A highlight is our weekend on Iona:

Arriving on the ferry from Mull

The Abbey (thanks to Iona website for this photo!)

The Abbey, The McLeod Centre and accommodation.

Me at the beach where St Columba is said to have arrived in his coracle.
He founded the Abbey in 563.

One of the many Celtic Crosses on the Island

Maureen at the marble quarry site on far side of the Island

The abandoned Nunnery

I also visited my Aunty Kath (Dad's only sister) in South Wales...

Aunty Kath dressed for Chapel!

Aunty Kath at one of her favourite places.

...and my Aunty Sheila in London. I don't think I was particularly named after her. She was Mum's brother's wife.

Aunty Sheila and cousin Elizabeth (who was anorexic)

St Beuno's Jesuit Spirituality Centre

My room was the left of the two white dormer windows at roof level.
Up four flights of stairs - no lifts then.

My three months at St Beuno's was the heart of my Sabbatical year. I'm writing this 31 years later and these three months still stand out as life changing.The three month spiritual directors' training programme included a thirty day retreat. The month either side of that involved skills training and supervised practice, all in the context of daily Eucharist in the atmosphere of the Ignatian community.

Inside the main chapel

When I applied for the course I asked if I would be able to take communion at the Eucharist. I knew if the answer was 'no' I would have to  re-consider as I would find it too painful to be excluded. I was delighted when I was assured I was welcome to participate fully. There were two of us who were not Catholics in our group of 36. The other was a High Church Anglican priest.

Our whole group

I had to smile at the hesitations of the Bible College hierarchy about me going "beyond the pale". The entire 30day retreat is based on praying one's way through the Gospels from the birth of Jesus to the resurrection and ascension. It is more Biblical and 'evangelical' than anything I've done before or since! The retreat is silent - apart from a daily conversation with a spiritual director who guides the process of the four "weeks" of meditations. I was linked with Fr David Townsend with whom I keep in touch to this day. (His mother was a Baptist - so I guess that's why he was 'given' me!!) He was exactly the right person.

My room on the top floor. No lifts so up four flights of stairs. 
The "young ones" were on this floor I think.

Fr David Townsend my director - in a mischievous mood!
(Not during the retreat!)

One of the loveliest places to go during the silence of the retreat was the Rock Chapel:

Rock Chapel - a bit of a climb but well worth it.

Rock Chapel (St Beuno's website photo)

When not in retreat we often walked and picnicked together.

Eating in the cosy village Pub was sometimes a treat -
though all the excellent meals were provided at St Beuno's

Many miles of beautiful North Wales countryside.

                                 

Daffodils everywhere in the grounds as Spring arrived.

The countryside added a great deal to the contemplative atmosphere of these three months. It felt quite safe to wander alone for miles along country lanes, beside beautiful small cottages and over hillsides "where sheep may safely graze". One of those hills had a cross at the top. I was fortunate that my retreat coincided with Easter. So at sunrise on Easter Sunday I climbed to the cross.

A major part of an Ignatian retreat is focussed on discernment. I had arrived knowing that my discernment issue was whether or not to return to BCNZ. I assumed that I would decide not to! That certainly was not "indifference" which is the basis for a true discernment. My director wisely told me not to decide too soon but let the whole retreat run its course. In the end it was clear that it was right for me to return and see how things developed. So in that light I left this life changing three month experience.

More time with friends.

It was surprisingly difficult to make the transition from St Beuno's. It felt like a genuine grief to leave there. But it was good to have some more time with friends before setting off on the third offical section of my Sabbatical time.

Heather Broers in the Cotswolds countryside

Heather and I have been pen-friends since we were about 12. We still keep in touch regularly - by email these days! At the time of writing - that's about sixty-two years of friendship! It was to Heather's place that I went after St Beuno's. She lives not far from Stratford-on-Avon.

Heather beside the Avon

 Then there were friends in Devon who ran a small Methodist retreat house called Burstone Manor. Howard has died now but (another) Heather still lives there and keeps in touch with Christmas letters.

Howard and Heather with Sally and Jos at Burstone Manor

                                              

As a good Methodist, Heather took me to visit a cottage where "John Wesley preached and rested."

Me inside John Wesley's cottage

Then more time with Maureen and Joan, a friend from Nigeria days. The three of us had been good friends for the years we overlapped as SIM missionaries all teaching at Hillcrest.

Canada and Regent College

The third leg of my Sabbatical journey was to do some study in the history of spirituality at Regent College, Vancouver under the direction and supervision of Dr James Houston. I had met Dr Houston  when he visited BCNZ and subsequently arranged this study period with him by email. He had agreed to supervise me and said that accommodation would be available at a student hostel. His book The Transforming Friendship had been significant for me and I looked forward to this time to round off my Sabbatical. 

I had friends in North America - USA and Canada. Looking back at photos I can't remember exactly how I fitted in all these visits before heading off to Vancouver! But here are few to remember:

Ines, a dear friend from Nigeria, who has MS
and was in retirement in Toronto

Living out of a suitcase!!

At Niagara Falls

Ready to walk in behind the falls

Rhoda with her brother and his wife in Michigan.
Rhoda was the school counsellor at Hillcrest for a short time.

                                 

Helen and Gordon Stanley with Karla North Carolina.
Helen and Gordon welcomed me to Nigeria when I first arrived.

I decided to travel from Toronto to Vancouver on the train! I was lucky to get a ticket for a sleeping compartment at quite short notice. I love train travel and the solitude of a couple of days before the next main part of my Sabbatical was enticing.

Passing a logging area

Seeing the Rockies from the Dome lounge

A short stop at Banff

I thoroughly enjoyed the train trip and the varied landscapes across the whole continent. I wish I had been a better photographer. No editing possible weeks later when I got the film developed!

When I finally arrived in Vancouver Dr Houston met me at the train and took me to their home. Mrs Huston was a gracious hostess. There was one other woman staying there too. After showing me round Regent College the next day it began to dawn on me that the plans for supervised study and accommodation seemed to have been totally forgotten. To this day I have no idea what happened and I was too overwhelmed and shy to confront this directly. I was told I could use the library and stay at their home for a couple of weeks while I sorted out other accommodation.

The main things I remember now are being a rather lonely tourist in this beautiful city - and playing several games of Scrabble with Dr and Mrs Houston who played every day. It was all quite bizarre!

Cycling round Stanley Park on a hired bike

The Empress Hotel where "English" afternoon tea is beautifully served!

Playing Scrabble with Dr and Mrs Houston

What made it somewhat better was a conversation with the other person staying there who said she had had a similar experience of arriving to find plans she thought were definite not eventuating. At least I didn't feel quite so crazy. I stayed for about ten days I think while I worked out what to do. I certainly didn't want to look for accommodation and embark on study by myself for the next couple of months under these circumstances. Mrs Houston was very nice and took me to a few places during that time. Somehow I never plucked up the courage to say to her how puzzled I was with what had happened. It all felt extremely awkward.

I arranged to stay for awhile with the daughter of a friend of Mum's who lived in Vancouver and whom I was planning to visit while I was there. That was a lovely friendly, relaxed time. One highlight was a visit to Buchart Gardens.

Postcard!

Jill, Nell (mum's friend) and Rachel

I had also contacted the Geelong community and they had warmly invited me to go back there for as long as I wanted. First I returned to England for more time with Maureen and some other family visits. While there I wanted to visit Norwich and the church where Mother Julian had her tiny cell.

I went on a double decker bus from London and as it was arriving at the Guest House where I was going to stay I looked  out the window and saw Graeme, the Prior of the Geelong community, along with Janelle, the youngest member of the community! I had no idea what they were doing in England but I must have told the community I was visiting Norwich for a few days. 

The Anglican Church in Norwich which has Julian's cell at the side.

Graeme and Janelle outside the Church

Inside Julian's cell.

It all seemed rather surreal but it was nice to see them. Apparently Graeme thought it was a good time to give Janelle a bit of an overseas trip and organised it to meet up with me along the way. Very strange looking back now but somehow at the time, though unexpected, it all seemed fine. (And in case you are wondering I don't think there was anything amiss about this. Janelle's parents, members of the community, had obviously OK'd it.)

So a few weeks later I returned to Australia and was once again very warmly welcomed by the Community of the Transfiguration. This time I was invited to be a full part of community meetings, not just a visitor. 

Inside main house - special dinner for my 43rd birthday!

Although there was much that I appreciated and learned in the context of this community, I began to be concerned about some aspects of the dynamics that were becoming very stressful for everyone. I suppose all communities have to work through underlying issues that become apparent over time.

It was a long time ago now so I won't go into details but it was an insight for me about being trusted enough to see below the surface. It showed quite starkly the influence of a leader for both good and ill simultaneously. This was not a sexual abuse issue, it was more about power dynamics and emotional wellbeing. I was very stressed and quite shaken by the fact that it fell to me to talk with two of the Guardians (external 'board members') as those in the community found it hard to reveal some of the issues. Fortunately the Guardians were excellent and action was taken after I left.

Rae and Des Darrer. Rae was a Guardian.

I did leave earlier than I had expected because the stress was something I didn't need once I had taken the action that was mine to take. I stayed with Rae (a Guardian) and Des for a week or two I think and then arranged to go on retreat to the RSCJ (Religious of the Sacred Heart) community not far away in Braybrook. I already knew one of the sisters there: Faith McMurtrie, who had started out as a Baptist minister in NZ! 

Faith in the kitchen at Braybrook RSCJ

Before heading back to NZ I also spent time with two more friends: Helena Stretton who was the Dean of Women at BCNZ but was in Australia visiting her mother; and Lee McKay a good friend from NZ who was visiting her sister.

Helena, her mum and a friend of Helena's

Lee in picnic mode!

So the months I had expected to spend at Regent College were filled in unexpected ways but I was grateful I was never "left in the lurch" without somewhere to go.

At the beginning of this year my journal reveals that I had prayed: "Reveal myself to me." perhaps a strange prayer - not "Reveal yourself to me." But then - and now - it makes sense. I learned a great deal about myself in that year. After the trauma of even being "allowed" to go St Beuno's as part of my Sabbatical, it was ironic that those three months were the only part of the year that went smoothly without stress or disruption! I learned that I was quite naive in some ways - also reluctant to ask for what I needed or be assertive. I was often lonely at the times of particular stress and difficulty. But I suppose it is also true that in spite of all that I navigated some pretty challenging situations. Most importantly, I was deeply affirmed in my direction in life. My passion for spiritual growth - my own and that of others - had deepened. Graeme (Geelong) said he thought I'd make a good novice mistress!! I thought that was quite funny - especially as he was a Baptist. But I did know what he meant in the context of my involvement with members of the community. My spiritual director (St Beuno's) said he thought I had a gift for the ministry of spiritual direction and hoped I would be able to pursue that.

So I set off back to NZ and Bible College not having any idea how I would be received!

The end of my Sabbatical year - farewelled by Kath
a friend of the Geelong community.

                                   

                                                 

  

                                   


















Melbourne - friends from BCNZ time
Geelong
England and Wales Heather, Maureen, Aunty Kath
St Beunos
Canada
Julian of Norwich
Back to Geelong

Caravan of Selves 6: 36-42 years 1980-1987

1981-1982 MTh study
At the end of 1980 I had to decide whether to continue to do an MTh in the next two years.
It was a big decision and felt daunting especially alongside the teaching load I continued to carry. I chose a "thesis only" MTh which meant no preliminary papers with exams. My Thesis topic was: An Appraisal of Some Rogerian principles of Education in Light of Their Application to the Christian Education of Young Adults.

Although Carl Rogers is best known for his Person Centred Counselling work he also wrote several books on education from a similar "person centred" approach. His book Freedom to Learn (1969) had connected with my own explorations in my second year at teachers' college so this was a chance to delve deeper into my own educational philosophy.

I wrote to Rogers enquiring as to whether he saw a spiritual dimension to "educating the whole person" . He did reply - somewhat to my surprise. At the age of 82 and almost blind the letter was dictated but it was a thoughtful response. While not being comfortable with the language of "spirituality" he acknowledged that "... sometimes  an intense personal relationship does seem to achieve a transcendent quality."

Title page of my MTh thesis and letter from Carl Rogers

Note that my thesis was typewritten! No computers yet so any editing required re-typing the relevant page(s)! One of the secretaries at BCNZ did the typing for me from my handwritten draft. Those who now use computers for this level of work don't know how lucky they are!

Finally MTh awarded 1982

1983 Appointed to the faculty of BCNZ. 
At the end of 1982 I was offered a full time lecturing role at Bible College to teach Pastoral Care - along with other classes I had already been teaching at diploma level - Doctrine, NT, Communications, Christian Education. I was also a fieldwork supervisor, faculty advisor and counsellor!
It's no wonder I wrote in my journal: "Contemplative prayer and creative spirituality are what I keep longing for but I feel everyone wants a piece of me."

I really did enjoy teaching adults and I know it did it well. However, my journal often expressed the conflict I felt: "... I don't believe in a lecture style of teaching. I am in a system that focuses heavily on head knowledge and gives grades/exams etc. Yet my philosophy is opposed to that. I am in a system which gives me classes of 50 - 100 students with pastoral care responsibilities as well and therefore frustrates my desire to teach and pastor in an in-depth individual way."

Faculty retreat

During this year Mum developed breast cancer. That was a great shock of course. She was 73. She had a mastectomy and recovered without the need for chemotherapy.

1984 -1985 
Looking back I think these were years of both "mid-life crisis" and "faith stage crisis". I moved into a staff flat and settled into my faculty role and lecturing with outward success and genuine enjoyment. 

I was also invited to speak at various conferences and spent three weeks in Melbourne speaking to various groups of women of different cultures. 

New settler women's ministry

Speaking with interpreters was a new - and difficult experience! I had one meeting with two interpreters. Very hard to keep a cohesive train of thought with every sentence repeated in two languages! I love this letter from a 10 year old who must have been at a meeting in NZ before I left. The P.S. is delightful: "I wish you luck and courage and strength to face them!"

As well as all that was good and fruitful in these years, my journal revealed a lot of loneliness at the deepest level and times of underlying depression. I had some counselling which was helpful but the real "shift" for me was hearing about spiritual direction and retreats. 

I had already been deeply enriched by reading books by (mostly Catholic) writers which opened up a whole arena of a more contemplative way of living and praying. Then in 1985 I connected with a spiritual director for myself. Clare O'Connor was (and is) a Cenacle sister and her companionship enabled me to explore and embrace more fully the core contemplative self that was part of me from my childhood. (see Chapter 2 of this Caravan of Selves series.) My journal also notes that I was beginning to question whether Christianity was "the only way". I don't think I expressed that thought to anyone.

In August 1985 I went on my first seven day silent retreat at Marcellin Hall (which has since been demolished and turned into park land). It was one of the early Spiritual Growth Ministry retreats. I remember feeling that I had "come home" in this atmosphere of silence and contemplative space with daily communion and daily spiritual direction. Anne Hadfield was my director on this retreat.

12th September 1985 was my 40th birthday. I spite of the mid-life/faith stage shifts going on I wrote that I was grateful and happy and felt life was opening up in a positive way. 
I wrote: "For all that has been thanks! For all that's to come Yes!" Dag Hammarskjold 
                                       Song of Songs 2:10-13"
And: "A goal emerges: I want to invest my life in the lives of others promoting their growth through counselling/spiritual direction/supervision.”

1986 - 1987 Turbulent times
This began as a more settled time of teaching, speaking at various events and living in the community of single women in "staff flats" - or "petticoat lane" as we called it! Now I was earning a salary I began wondering about buying my own home but that still felt well out of reach.

During this time I was invited to be on the team running SGM retreats. I felt privileged to be invited since I had no specific spiritual direction training. However, it seemed a natural extension of my other training and experience. I loved this work! It felt somehow "what I was made for".

My dis-ease about an over-busy workload and an academic lecture-style of teaching continued to rumble beneath the surface. In July 1987 I wrote a resignation letter and delivered it to the Principal David Stewart. I also verbally told most faculty members. I don't remember the details of what followed but I was persuaded instead to take study leave in 1988 and discern then whether to return or leave. I had in fact been teaching at BCNZ for 9 years by now (four of which had been combined with my BTh and MTh studies) so some study leave was due!

Also in 1987 Mum had her first stroke. I was very grateful for my sister and brother and spouses who lived close by and took very good care of her - as did the lovely people at Woodlands retirement village in Waikanae where she had sensibly chosen to move in 1986.

5 Robin Place, Woodands. Merrie and Gwenyth outside Mum's apartment.

Gwenyth, Merrie and Mum on her first day at Woodlands.

I gratefully accepted the study leave option for 1988 (9 months paid leave which covered the academic year.) As I thought, prayed and planned how to use the time I proposed three elements:
visiting a Baptist monastic (yes!) community in Geelong, Melbourne; then some time studying the history of spiritual streams under the supervision of Jim Houston at Regent College Vancouver and finally a three month training in spiritual direction at St Beuno's Jesuit spirituality centre in North Wales. This included a thirty day silent Ignatian retreat. 

The Jesuit spirituality centre piece really set the cat among the pigeons among the faculty at BCNZ. Several thought I had lost the plot or gone "beyond the pale" - in other words I was now outside the boundaries of the conservative evangelical theology that BCNZ stood for. One representative of faculty was sent to convey this to me! I was utterly devastated.

I knew at the deepest part of myself that this was the next step for me but to have my colleagues doubting the heart of my faith was excruciating. I spent three days crying and unable to work. There were two or three faculty who stood by me even if they didn't fully understand. To be honest I didn't fully understand either! It was just one of those "I know I have to do this whatever the consequences" times. So after another very awkward meeting with the faculty I was free to follow my plan with the proviso that during that time I would decide if I really "belonged" in the BCNZ ethos.

Caravan of Selves 5: 29-35 years 1973-1980

1973-76 Hillcrest School, Jos, Nigeria.
I have a jumble of memories about these first three years in Nigeria: homesickness, culture shock, new friends, teaching from an American curriculum (with textbooks even for the younger grades!)

Hillcrest is school for missionaries children and other children whose parents want them to have an American education. It covers all the grades from 1-13. Many of the children live in hostels run by the ten missionary societies who also share the staffing of the school. (At least that's how it used to be. The current school website suggests only two hostels now.) Although I have dozens of photos I'm disappointed that most of them are poor quality. Over the years they have faded and don't scan well. This was before era of digital photography!!

4th Grade class. My first year at Hillcrest.

Of course we had to learn about NZ!

Middle school building where I taught 8th Grade for next few years.

Once I settled in to new routines and got over the culture shock (both of Nigerian and American culture!) I had wonderful years in Nigeria. I made many new friends - both school staff and SIM women in the apartment block I eventually moved into. We often went on picnics together and celebrated each others special occasions.

In my apartment. A birthday dinner for Diane my next door neighbour.

Climbing rock formations in surrounding countryside.

Martha Underwood (Principal) and Fluffy!

Stopping for morning tea en route to...?

Jos had a large water reservoir that was a great place for walks and enjoying water views.

8th Grade Bible Class girls round for a games evening

In 1974 Mum and Dad came for a visit. Dad was on the SIM Council in NZ so a trip to SIM stations in Nigeria was arranged. It was wonderful to show them where I lived and worked. They saw more of  the whole country of Nigeria on their trip than I ever did.

Mum and me outside my upstairs apartment.

Dad with Pastors at one of his speaking engagements.

Visiting John and Ladi at their home. John was my "house boy".

A village pottery.

During one of his meetings in Jos, Dad had what seemed like a TIA (small stroke) in the middle of his address to SIM leaders. It was terrifying to see him unable to continue. One of the men had to go and help him from the stage. Fortunately there was a good mission hospital in Jos where he was well looked after for several days until pronounced OK to continue his trip around the rest of the country. It must have been very scary for Mum wondering if it would happen again.

1976. Furlough and Dad's death
I was due for furlough in 1976 and arrived home on 21st June (mid-winter!!). Mum and Dad had retired to Waikanae while I was away but came to Auckland to welcome me home.

That evening there was an SIM council meeting. I encouraged Dad to go as I was jet lagged and wouldn't be much company for the evening. Mum, Dad and I were staying in a bach near my brother Peter's manse in Whangaparaoa. I woke in the middle of the night to discover Mum anxiously saying Dad had not come home. I put clothes over my pyjamas and went out looking for a phone box to ring Peter. He came and took us back to their place. We called the police. Gwenyth looked after Mum while Peter and I were told to drive slowly the route Dad would have taken. The Police would start at the Baptist Tabernacle where the meeting had been held and meet us if anything was found. They pulled us over in Takapuna and told us Dad had been found dead in his car in the Tab car park. We were then taken to the mortuary to identify his body. That was a horrible experience.
We got back to Whangaparoa in the early hours of the morning.

Apparently Dad had prayed the closing prayer at the SIM meeting and gone out to the car and died (presumably of a major heart attack) before starting the engine. He was only 67. It was a very fitting way for Dad to die but a pretty hard way for me to spend my first night home!

The last photo I have of Mum and Dad together. Taken at Easter 1976 by a friend of mine.

The funeral was held in the Baptist Tabernacle where Dad had been minister for 8 years when we first came to NZ. So although it was all terribly shocking we were grateful that his funeral could be there and many of the Tab and Bible College friends were able to come.

Going back to their 'new' home in Waikanae with Mum was very hard for both of us. I had never been there and Mum had left with Dad and the expectation that three of us would return. They had turned Dad's study into a bedroom for me...

During my 6 month furlough I had to decide whether to return to Nigeria or stay in NZ to support Mum. It was a pretty tough few months. I was in a new environment in Waikanae with no networks of supportive friends as I would have had in Auckland. After a couple of months of just surviving Mum was keen for me to go and stay in Auckland for a while - which was very generous of her. She was also keen for me to return to Nigeria as planned. That's the kind of person Mum was. No subtle hints that she hoped I would stay. I'm sure it was best for both of us that I did go back but it was not an easy decision. It was a great blessing that my sister Merrie and brother Andrew also lived in the area with their families so I knew Mum would be well cared for.

Family farewelling me back to Nigeria.

1977-79 Back to Nigeria
It was good to get back to the familiar territory of Nigeria and Hillcrest School. I have trouble now separating these two and a half years from the earlier years there. That probably doesn't matter. I continued to teach in the middle school (Grades 7 and 8). I had my own home room class but also taught English, Health and Bible to other middle school classes. Friendships with staff, Nigerian friends and other SIM missionaries were rich and broadening of my perspectives - theologically and culturally.

Ines Penny with local women

Me, Martha and Lois at 8th Grade ball!

My lovely yellow Bug! Borrowed from furloughing missionaries

In those days being a career missionary meant that you would probably stay "on the field" until you retired. But during these years I began to feel that that wouldn't be my story. It was as if my roots were being loosened but I had no idea what for. I know I sometimes thought "I'd love to teach adults".

Then totally out of the blue I received a letter from David Stewart - Principal of BCNZ. He prayed for all "his" graduates and said he was aware that when I did my training there had been no Theological degree available. So he was writing to ask me to prayerfully consider returning to BCNZ to do my BTh and MTh studies. Would I consider teaching in the Diploma classes and thus paying no fees? Writing this now it does seem amazing that this invitation came exactly when I was feeling "my roots being loosened".

It was in some ways not an easy decision. It felt a bit like deserting the role I had been committed to. But in the end it really was very clear that God was in this. So in 1979 I bid farewell to Hillcrest and the many friends in Nigeria and headed back to NZ. I had no savings or household equipment. When I left for Nigeria my basic supplies were shipped from NZ in two or three 44 gallon drums. Furniture and other essentials had been accumulated from missionaries going on furlough or retiring. I seem to remember I came back with just two suitcases.

1979-80 Transition back to NZ
These were transition years back into NZ. At first I was accommodated in a room in the single women's quarters at BCNZ. That was good given that I had no furniture or household items. I felt homesick for Nigeria and my own flat and my friends. But to some extent BCNZ was a familiar place and I did have some support networks in Auckland.

In 1979 and 80 I completed my BTh studies. (I had been given one year credit from my earlier diploma study.) To my surprise I was awarded the Felix Arnott prize for heading the First Class Honours list and the David Garnsey Scholarship for advanced theological study. This was an unexpected blessing in helping me financially for the next two years of study.

During this time I was also teaching diploma classes in Christian Education, Christian Doctrine and New Testament. It was often strange to be sitting in a lecture as a student and then getting up to be the lecturer of the next class. I was never quite sure if I was thought of as student or staff. I do remember students often seeking me out as "not quite staff" to listen, empathise and pray. The benefit of being accommodated with them and having had missionary experience was a plus.